Everybody Poops!! (and yes you have to wipe it)

Well it is that time again for another weekly update. It was actually a pretty quiet week so this may not be all that long. But I wanted to keep the updates coming so when I am all alone after Nicole goes back to school I can look back on the great summer and remind myself that It's only temporary and for one more year. Lets see on Saturday night we went and saw Get Smart the new Steve Carrell Movie. It was a pretty funny movie. It was exactly what I had hoped that it would be a movie that didn't take itself to seriously and was a good 2 hrs of light fun. If you have a few hours to kill and want to laugh a bit I would tell you go see it.

Sunday was the big potty training day. My Nicole went to the other Nicole's to Potty train Edawg. From what I gather it was this one day potty training thing that my wife told my sister about. It involves getting a doll that pees and throwing a party so that the child then becomes very excited about Pooping. Or something like that. Well apparently there were mixed results in the beginning as Ethan was much more interested in playing with Nicole than pooping in the potty. Well at some point someone in Nsquared as I like to call them as of now decided that he should call mickey to tell him that he pooped (in the potty). The problem was is that Mickey, like Santa is very busy and you can't just call Mickey. I guess you could write him a letter but that would kinda defeat the purpose and take way to long. So anyway someone in the braintrust over there decided that I need to be called and that I will be Mickey at work. The issue here is that I was not made aware of this plan. So here I am sitting at work and my wife calls me. I am all busy and stuff(No I was not I am never busy this damn economy sees to that) and I see the phone ringing.
So I pick it up and my wife says "Mickey?" Now this has me quite startled as It was the last thing I was expecting to hear. Was she dating some Irish dude behind my back? Was she thinking she called a liquor store? What exactly was going on here? Then I hear "Micky Mouse?" Thank God I think as I use my quick goat thinking (Adam Sandler Reference) and put it all together. So I immediately go into Mickey mode. The problem here is that my Mickey voice sounds like his would sound if he has been smoking crack for the last 10 years alla Amy Wienhouse. But fortunately Ethan didn't know this and he accepted me as Mickey Mouse. The whole thing seemed to work very well and he seemed very excited about it. I doubt he was less excited than I was. It was really cool to be a part of something like that. I miss so much with my retarded schedule so getting all of those phone calls meant alot to me. If you guys read this Thanks so much for letting me share in the moment.

But that was not the funniest part of the day..This story is brought to you second hand. In an effort to maintain my documentary integrity for the summer I must protect my source and cannot name names. But apparently after the first poop in the potty there was a life altering life changing moment for my sister. Standing there basking in her glory as her firstborn was using the potty preparing to call Mickey it dawned on her that she still had to wipe him. I could see how this would be somewhat of a buzzkill. But apparently we were also potty training my sister that day as this would prove to be a little more difficult task than we may have first thought. It seems that upon Ethans completion of calling Mickey and in the middle of the joy and excitement that comes along with such a moment he proudly exclaimed "Theres something in my butt!!" With this he reaches into his Hindle region and pulls out a used piece of toilet paper that was left from the wiping. Now again I was not there (although I would have killed to have seen the look on everyones faces!!!) But this story had me in tears when I heard it. Yes Nikki you not only have to wipe but you also must remove the evidence :) -- Love ya sis :) These are the stories that make this blog worth doing. I am so glad one day I will be able to look back on that story and have a laugh.

Ok on to Monday... Not a whole lot happened at all same with Monday. But Tuesday was a whole nother rash of crazy stuff. So I set out to start my day with but one goal in mind I need an oil change. Simple right... wrong... See God has been really hooking me up lately and apparently Tuesday was a day that he wanted to have some fun with me in return. So I am sitting in my car at the oil place all pulled in and ready to go. I hear the familiar "pop the hood please" So I go to pop the hood. Only nothing happens. I can't pull the lever the hood won't pop this is not good at all. So of course we had to get everyone involved there are like 8 dudes hitting my hood as I pull on the lever to see if it will pop. Well it won't so me and my trusty sidekick (Ben) are off to the dealership to see what the hell is going on with it. On the way there my phone won't stop ringing and look at that my check engine light comes on. FANTASTIC!!! Now this happened last summer on a supper hot day and I paid $148.oo to have them turn it off and tell me... we don't know what the issue is tell us if it comes back on... So I am totally in a panic and get to the dealership thinking OMG something is now wrong with Shirley(my car). We get to the dealership at about 12:40 how do I know this? Well apparently the service guys ALL take lunch from 12:00-1:00. So we now have 2o minutes to kill that me and Ben spent looking at new cars and me giving him some water I had in a Wendy's cup. Well anyway these Bozo's look at it and bang on it for like 25minutes and then tell me "yeah we are sorry it doesn't seem to want to open" WELL NO FRICKIN Kidding. They also tell me that they can't check my check engine light with out getting under the hood. ( Patrick told me that was not the case but I don't know a thing about cars so who knows maybe it is like that on my model) At this point I am a bit uhh Upset. So I try one last place Vasick Brothers in Glen Burnie. These are the guys who I have taken my car to in the past and have always had great results with. Well what do you know they have my hood popped in like 5 minutes. He got some metal thing and a little skateboard thing he laid on and went in from the bottom. It popped he cleaned it out problem solved. Thanks Mitsubishi guys for being absolute tards. Well then I tell my guy about the check engine light.... He gets in the car turns the key.. No light... LOL. He is like "Uhhh dude your check engine light is not on" So anyway The light is off I went and got my oil change and went home and took the dog for a walk. But still it was about 2:30ish and I was beyond frustrated and embarrassed.

So what did I do to waylay my frustration... Well as nice as the thought of an Ice cold Miller sounded that was not the play today. Today I needed to totally lose the rest of my manhood.
So I did what any man who wants to do that would do I went to see a kids movie... alone.





Wall E was a movie I had been wanting to see. What can I say I like Disney/Pixar movies. I have liked all of them in fact Finding Nemo is my Favorite movie. So Naturally I had to see this. I had tried many things with many people to avoid going alone but alas I was not successful on any front. So I get there buy my ticket and get in line for a soda and small popcorn. I'm retarded when I go to the movies I have to get popcorn. I roll up on the counter and there is no one behind me (keep in mind it's Tuesday afternoon) so the Large Black Gangsta chick behind the counter starts talking to me. "you need a drink for anyone else?" I respond no it's just me.


"Ahhh ok what movie are you here to see?" Wall E. Now imagine if you will a look of total disbelief on Queen Latefia's face. (She looks a little like her but I wanted to pick a large woman that everyone who is reading this would know). "Really" She asks Yeah I reply I for the life of me couldn't get anyone to come see this with me and I don't have kids. She then just starts laughing at me. I try to laugh it off, yeah it didn't work.





So I slink away and butter my popcorn which I get on my shirt (THANKS GRANDMA DOAN!! great genes there :) and head off to the theatre. I get in and I am a little early like 25 minutes so I sit in the middle of the theater and start messing around on my phone. Well as the time passes the theatre fills up. Apparently lots of parents taking kids now that summer is here. About 5 minutes before the movie starts the theater looks like this....

Yeah that's me in the middle. surrounded by moms and dads and kids all saying and thinking I am trying to steal their kid or something. It was funny that I am not even exaggerating this. Like did the lady at the snack counter start alerting people that I was going to this movie alone? I felt a little like a leper but I totally understand. If It were me with my kid I wouldn't sit by the weird guy all alone on a Tuesday afternoon at a kids movie either. If I had been any creepier they may have just issued an amber alert lol.

Well finally the movie started and what can I say without giving away the movie.... It was a Disney Pixar movie. It made me laugh, it tugged at the heartstrings, it was cute. It was everything I was hoping I would get. It also had an interesting environmental warning/message that I really didn't see coming. It goes right up there with The Rest 4 stars go see it. The interesting thing is there is very little Dialogue .. lots of sounds and I mean there are words but the way that the artists have learned how to show emotion in animation you really don't realize that there is very little dialogue. It was Really cool. You just kinda filled in the words in your head while it was happening subconsciously.

I can't say enough about how much I enjoyed the movie. So I get home walk the dog and then me and wife head to Cheesburger in Paradise. This is a restaurant in Pasedna that Nicole says has the best mixed drinks Eva!!!!-(Like a valley girl). We had a waiter named Shek.. which of course sounds like Shrek so we had some laughs about that and called it an evening.

Wed was pretty much me and the wife just relaxing.... that is about it... Ok see you soon...

Dad